Being at Peace with Anger
My conversations with the Lord (April 2026)
- A reminder to the now Me and future Me! -
I. From the Lord:
Chris, you spoke up in ways they could not hear.
Their mind is My responsibility. I take all you share, even when they reject it based on where they are.
You speak as Me and show Me as you, just not all can see as you and be as you and understand as you.
Take heart that you led as a Father does, this is you. This is Me.
How they respond to Me (and Me in you) you cannot change. Those that hear it can. But not all do.
You know this Chris.
I know you don't want it this way. See how I feel when that happens to Me.
See how I do feel it with you (as being as you)! You taste what that is in the small of your relations; yet I feel it for the whole of the world.
This is why I use people like you to demonstrate Me in that reality.
Let [them] go on [their] own journey.
Yes, Chris, you can ask the question to them (in want to understand), but you can't expect from them what you want them to understand from you.
Look at (focus on), as a reminder to you, the people—that there are people—who do see you as I see you.
[They] has [their] own journey to go through, and I have prepared [them] for this. [Their] blame is [their] independence, [they] need that for [them]—just as [the other them does].
It does hurt as hell for you, let that be true that it hurts. Right, "feel it as it is".
I don't escape My emotions Chris. I have to sit in them, you CAN sit in them too!
I don't lose hope, because I see the ends from the beginnings. You can't see the all of the all, but I can. Hold onto that I can.
Yes, trust. But it's more than that; it needs to be a knowing for you that I do. That will keep you focused; that will keep you grounded.
You have a path not all can take, use it, walk it, be it.
Stop focusing on what you feel you don't have. You are actually being Me, you just don't see how that is compared to how you think it would / should show.
Me interjecting my processing:
I see it now. In that, I have been doing, and that it "not going the way I expect it to" is me doubting that I am doing as Him. I have been showing how a Father does things, not realising I was because of the anger / pain I was feeling through it—whether feeling through my own self, or feeling through their responses / actions / reaction. They were acting / reacting, not because I was doing "wrong", but that because I actually was showing the Father without knowing I was showing the Father (as Me).
Chris, don't let the anger keep you from feeling what you need to sit and feel. Sit in the pain—allow the pain—allow yourself to sit in the pain. Allow the anger too, for that is—Chris, listen, this ANGER is a reflection of Me and Me caring with you. Take that anger, not in fear, but in knowing IT IS you feeling what I also feel. Sit in the feeling of anger (without bashing your head to try and make the anger - or feelings of pain - go away). Sit in the anger. Sit in the pain. Sit in it all as "it is". Sit in the discomforts you have of anger to allow the reasons for the discomfort to go away. When you feel the anger as Me.
You ask what you are supposed to do—you seek "peace in the Holy Spirit", but I got angry too in "flipping tables". What was My "peace" in that?
My peace was being at peace with my anger, and letting that anger demonstrate the Father in what the Father needed to demonstrate through Me.
You want the peace to happen, and for this tension to go away—you are chasing that "peace" with them, but I need you to find that peace with Me. Are you at peace with being angry? Are you at peace demonstrating Me? Are you at peace holding onto You?
Chris, you are fearing now about "if you are hearing me and if this is me typing". But you are also scared of (fearing) "what if this gets worse" or "what if you lose out on what is offered"; and you are scared of "not being Me"… but how many times have you chosen thinking it is me, and it failed?
I know you are angry at "having to sign" the divorce—there was no more time, there was no more money, and there was no more to do with trying to change anything. It was complete, and you had to "accept" it, knowing all the pain and suffering for you, for Joshua, and feeling it for [them].
Now you fear that you are having to do the same to "accept" what is also harmful to you. Do you trust me in this? Do you trust that no matter what happens—for better or for worse—I will walk beside you.
You want a peace that this world cannot understand. You want to protect you. This self-preservation is Me.
Pride Chris, pride—in wanting them to KNOW you, but those in this "power" have that over you. Just as with [them] and the courts in their false-perceptions of you.
Why are you doubting this conversation Chris? You didn't doubt before?
You think that because things are not going well, you are not doing something right, or that you need to do it differently (from a space you feel you have been "doing it wrong" or "not doing it at all").
Don't reject you are doing as Me. Don't accept or admit to what others believe about you.
Me changing my perspective on how I'm viewing myself and the situation:
What changes when you view it from a space that you feel you HAVE been "doing right" or "are doing"?
I have been doing it right. Don't accept their (others reactions + self-doubt) as doubting me.
Their doubts is telling me otherwise—just as w/ [them].
Yes, you can speak up, you have at times. But don't always expect that this will change their mind about you.
You saw this in court and with [them]. You were deceived into believing something about yourself that you weren't and didn't do. But they didn't believe you before that either.
People make up their minds about Me (just as they will for you Chris)... but I painfully have to let that, no matter how I try and do.
You want to convince them about you and convince them about Me. But it is about showing Me, and letting that be what shows them Me.
You are Me, and even Me has to let go.
Do you want to take that risk to be free from this? You want to speak, but you don't know how. You want to make the peace happen, but you don't know how. You want it to be as it was, but you don't know how. Let Me be the how—of course it will take time Chris, it always has to, in each of its own time.
Not what you want to hear, I know; but that is what I the Lord have to work within.
Now is where I need you—to let go of the when, how, and if (if it will ever)... whatever that will look like is for you to watch and see.
How this goes, is also me looking out for you. You know this for you already. I feel for how hard this is for you, it has to be hard because you care hard.
Me rhetorically:
Should I have "prayed" not to care—to "let go" of the school and this life of it easier :'-(
** I definitely won't say that about Joshua!!!! **
II. From the Lord:
Letting people act / react as they are (be who they are) allows you to speak up, no matter what.
This is how you can be Me, and be confident in being You.
Chris, you spend so much time and energy trying to guess and feel-at what they feel, think, and could/would/won't react to that it keeps you from being who I need you to be—both to you and to them.
If you can let go of the fear and the worry of who they are, then it allows you to not be who you think you need to be for them or for the situation.
Me asking in seeking:
Does this "who they are" not specifically mean "how they will react in where they are in life", but that it is about whether or not they are someone close to me / intimate with / as someone I love / as someone I am afraid of / as someone who has authority / as someone meek / as someone who I don't know / as someone who is family / as someone who is my child (Joshua) / as someone who is [them] / as someone who means the most to me / as someone I don't want to lose connection with / as someone who I don't have connection with / as someone who cares for me / as someone who hates me / as someone who despises me / as someone who sees my all / as someone who only sees some of me / as someone who doesn't see me as me.
** That, no matter who they are to me, I do not need to fear them **
Yes, Chris, do not view them "in the flesh" (as from my flesh, or in their flesh).
Chris, listen to me, "You just need to find THAT Me in you" to let it flow out.
Stop trying to "not" hurt or "not" cause conflict. It will always be, whether you want it to / or think you can lessen it as.
Please let this old part of you go. I know why it is there, but it does not have to be.
You see the damage it does to your soul, and you see the damage it does to how other's interpret you from that space.
Just Be Chris. Are you seeing it now in these instances?
III. From the Lord:
Chris, your authority is as Me. Your fear: it is that of your "dad" in how he showed it and you felt it—but that "anger" that you feel and need to express is not like his anger; it will always be different, because YOU are different.
Others will perceive it through their own filters, just as you do—with [them], [them], and your dad.
Those filters are theirs, let them be theirs—not because you don't care, but because you are placing Me first.
UNDERSTAND This: that being angry IS you caring. You actually do care about yourself and Me. So, you need to let them (which is Letting Me) work on their filters by you Standing up for You and Me.
My interjection to myself:
Be angry. Show that anger through you holding TRUE to yourself. Let that anger shine through as being sure of Myself. As I am sure I am of the Lord, then being angry of an attack against is me standing up for Him and me. Heal of being abused! Heal of being walked on! Heal of being made less that who you are! Heal of you submitting! Heal to you "accepting" what other's believe about you.
Chris, allow them to hurt. Allow them to get angry. Allow them to be them as they are in their right now. That is the only way I can fully work in them through You.
Me understanding:
Loving them is letting them disagree, because from that space, they get to grow.
You want what I want—you see it and feel it and foresee the things I do—but to have those is to let Me do the Work to be with them in their now, to get them where I need them to be.
My Work to do Chris. It's going to be so much (SO MUCH) easier for You in that world when You choose to Let Me do the work you know to be done.
Time, Chris, yes, time. It takes time with You. It takes time with them. It takes time for all things. Sit in the time it does and will take. You have to do this for you—yes, not My personal want of timing, but (as you know) the time that is needed by the person allowing Me to work.
Why do you so hate the time it takes? Can't you instead celebrate in the time as you see the growth and change. We celebrate (for you and for [them] and for [them] and for all who listen through you). All Chris, All.
This life is this way, it cannot change that it is this way, no matter how much I or you don't want it to be this way.
I, God, the Lord, the Creator, the All, have to let that life be that way. As hard as it has been for Me, I cannot change that it will be this way. This is my patience that You have in You too.
Continue in that patience in all that comes your way.
Again, Chris, KNOW that I see the ends from the beginnings. To which, you can take note (make known to you as a reminder) moments like these last three years where you are now better from what was, what happened, and what you were.
Don't lose sight of this change (of Me bringing good from the bad) in each moment, in each season, in each person, in each You.
You have THAT Me in you to NOW stand strong under the weight of what others perceive about you. Listen to the one's that align with the Me and You (that see it as Us) to help solidify that Us within You.
Jesus stayed Jesus because He didn't let the fear of others shape His identity.
My assurance to myself:
Did Jesus sign the agreement of what other's believe about Him? Did Jesus "accept" what they believed by "allowing" Himself to go to the Cross? Did Paul "allow" others to believe about him by "accepting" what they believed about him.
Accepting isn't you believing it about yourself; accepting is letting them believe about you without you changing what you believe about yourself—that which is the Lord and I! I can "let them" believe without accepting that belief for Myself.
When you found your identity as Non-Binary, you held onto it because you KNEW that is Who You are. That You that is representing Me.
Now let Us (You and I together) KNOW this identity of Me that is without that former fear. When you have this as a KNOWING, no longer will you waver when others (as with those close to you) object to the Me in You!
Come Chris (in excitement), let's do this together with these now moments.
Let them get angry. Let them disagree. Let them walk away if they want to walk away. Let them remove themselves from the relation if that is what they choose. You won't know what they will eventually choose, yet I will walk with them in every choice. Just as I walk with You in every choice You make.
My holding true to myself:
Even when they threaten in disagreement. Even when they are angry. Even when they want to quit. Even when they want to fear. Hold true to You.
It hurts so much, because You (that child You) got hurt so much. Their Child-Self got hurt so much too (in their own way, different from yours). Many combinations of many hurts. Which is why only I know the Way for them to heal.
For me:
Including the "hurts" (difficulties) of choosing NOT to fawn!
Stay with your healing Chris. Now Chris. Now. This healing NOW. Focus on this healing of NOW. Place all of You in the NOW. NOW for this healing NOW.
Break it Chris. Break it for Me. Break it for Joshua! Break it for the school. Break it for your health. Break it for your life. Break it for your soul. Break it as We (in You) do the HOW.
My / the Lord's post-response within my struggle, worry, fear, and doubt... (and assurance???)... but with honest questioning:
Break that you no longer will give in (and sign away) to those who want you to believe falsely about You. If you "accept" what they believe about You, you will need to go through it all again—do you want that (along with what they could hold against you)? No!
But I'm scared!
Be scared Chris, allow yourself to be scared. Scared doesn't change you can do it. Scared doesn't change you will get through it. Scared does not mean I am not with you! Do it scared. Do it to smite fear! No matter what that looks like—even if they persecute you (which is what they tried to physically do to "break" any of the Disciples)—no matter what you have to "go through" to hold onto the Lord as You, hold on and Let US (Let ME) hold on together with You/Me. They are objecting to the Lord in You,
And I say No! In anger! In the righteous indignation that was Jesus saying No!
He didn't accept what they said of Him, and He went to the Cross for it. Everyone died for it. Let the wavering "former you" die from it! Chris, are you with US on this! Do you know 'He' has you in this! Do you know that no matter what comes from this—from you standing up for Us—We have You—and from that having You, that "wavering" gets to go to the grave where it belongs!
For Joshua I will do this!
For the School I will do this!
For [them] I will do this!
This is no longer about the crying, this is about the fighting! Go into battle knowing I am by you! Knowing, like David, this giant will fall; for we will face it (face him), not trying to be Saul, but as David being David! David knew David and that was his victory in battle after battle after battle! This is You being You (not as someone else or who you think you need to be)—You as You Chris—"duh" see what it is to "Just Be": You as You and We, for we WILL, and DO, do this together!
Me:
Lord, why does it feel confident and strong when I do it all internal; while I don't "feel" it as that when it would be time to really do (speak) it?
Internally, that is Me without resistance from others or your fears. You are confident, because, in that space, you are without conflict. When conflict shows up internally or externally, the doubts come.
You need to recognise the types of fear that create these doubts. Yes, fear of your dad, but more: of hurting self, of authority stollen, of identity lost, of authenticity challenged, of not having the KNOWING that it actually is Me "creating the conflict" (that it is their resistance to ME creating the conflict).
Me:
...you too have resistance Chris :-)
A "fear of" taken away, when it actually has not... it is just that i "feel" think and believe (from that space of fear) that it "has" been stollen (or/nor not being given / shown to me).
Why Lord?
Because you don't yet "fully" KNOW yourself (Me in You) nor fully know how to be you in these situations. Learn, Chris, learn. From THIS learn.
How?
Moment by moment.
Trust Me.
You were "happy" for [them], not because you wanted [them] to be in discomfort, but because you saw it as not being "them" (of them) but what has been entangled in them.
You felt My Heart in the purpose of that without fear.
Little parts Chris that can each be without fear.
You got tired now in your mind.
Keep crying.
My Child, keep crying.
IIIa. Me processing that "need to recognise the types of fear that create these doubts":
Fear:
- that I am perceiving them "wrong" (they won't do that to me)—and what did [they] do to You!
- that I am doing "wrong"—even though you tell me I am doing as You (doing right),
- of having been wrong (pride / perfection),
- of speaking up being wrong (what if I am wrong in how I say or what I say),
- of what I have to learn myself,
- of I won't be cared for if I have done wrong,
- of being judged in my wrong decisions,
- of being judged wrong in my right decisions,
- of not being believed,
- of rejection,
- of punishment,
- of retribution,
- of separation,
- of failing,
- of wanting,
- of knowing,
- of shame,
- of not being validated (invalidation),
- of the outcome (unknown future to transpire) out of the decision,
- of not being liked,
- of making things worse,
- of hurting others,
- of creating conflict,
- of adding to conflict,
- of looking bad,
- of "that they are out to get me" and now I need to "protect myself",
- of them misinterpreting / misunderstanding / misusing,
- of ...
- of it not being of the Lord (that what I am doing or speaking up about/for is not Them, or that it is not Their Way)
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