Raising Children as the Lord Raises Us
There is something that is truly an important topic for me: discipline.
With the way I was disciplined growing up (the way many of you might have been
as well), I wanted to make clear how we raise our
child, but do so for all children (including those at the school).
This is how we feel having the responsibility of
250+ children at the school we helped develop: Crosspoint Academy. And what we are learning is how to
“raise” children of differing ages through life—and for me, this really is a
demonstration and learning experience of how God our Father raises us as His
children. How He raises me (all of us) is truly how we need to be
raising these children as well.
One of these ways in the school is the approach adopted by
many schools called: Positive Behavior Intervention and Support. In
brief, what this entails is encouraging good behaviour through a focus on
rewarding positive behavior in lieu of a punishment system of bad behaviour—in
a sense, focusing attention on the positive, not the negative. Oftentimes, the
reason a child acts out is just for attention. If they are punished (being hit
or spanked or demeaned) for what they have done, in the child’s eye, they have
been rewarded with what they seek: attention. However, that same “attention
reward” the child seeks can be achieved though the positive behaviours the
child does or can be guided into doing.
What struck me about this scientific & psychological approach is how
this mimics how God our Father guides and treats us (all people) as children.
But this is not what I had been taught in life. I had been taught and raised up
in life through the approach of: “spare the rod, spoil the child”—likened to this
biblical passage:
Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod,
hates his son; but he who loves him, disciplines him promptly.
In my life, this often meant more than one spanking—whether by hand, a
belt, a wooden spoon, hair brush, slipper, or by a cane at school. But is God’s
punishing hand of discipline how he truly disciplines me & us? No!
Secondly, the word “promptly” means early—early in the child’s life. But it
also means diligently; for as a parent, we must be diligent, having or showing care and conscientiousness. It is
important to make sure we guide and direct our children early in life. In doing
so, it just saves us and them from having to correct behaviours later in life
(including the removal of mis-taught / mis-learned strongholds) that may get
rooted, making it more difficult to remove or correct.
But even if we do pass down to our children unintentional (or
intentional) iniquities, God’s Grace is there for them as well. We know He
never holds our faults or the faults of our parents against us. He watches over and takes care of
those handed-down iniquities of the children and of the parents.
Unfortunately, we can hold true for ourselves the way the Lord had to
deal with His chosen people in the Old Testament through strife, sickness, and
death. But we do not live in the Old Testament—nor were we ever under the Law! None
of us are under the Law. The Law was given to a specific group of people’s
during a specific season (time-frame) that has since ended and never applied to
us. His Grace has remained in existence from the beginning, even to those
outside the Law during the time of the Law.
God is Agape Love and Grace. And what Jesus demonstrated while on this
earth is the true Nature and Heart of the Father: a healer, a forgiver, and one
who does not judge us. Everything Jesus did is what He saw His Father do; and
none of it was putting sickness on anyone, stoning or physically punishing
anyone, killing anyone, or judging anyone. This is His True self and how He
treats us. These are the guidelines that the Lord follows with us.
God our Father cannot punish us, because His Wrath was poured out on
Jesus Christ and all the sins of our flesh were
forgiven. Since we exist in perpetual forgiveness of our sins, how is He
justified in punishing us…for He cannot break His Word and Covenant through
Christ Jesus with us. He is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34, Romans 2:11, Ephesians 6:9)—in that
He cannot treat anyone differently than anyone else. All are Righteous in
Christ and therefore He cannot treat us differently. The only way He can treat
us and does treat us is in His Agape Love.
So then, how does the Lord discipline us? Through His Word. This is the
ONLY way.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is
given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for teaching and instruction,
for proof, for restoration and correction, with regard to training by
righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for
every good work.
Colossians 3:14-16
And above all these
things put on [Agape Love], which is the bond of perfectness. And let [God's
peace towards you] rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one
body; and be ye thankful. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly in all
wisdom; [letting it] teach and admonish yourself with psalms and hymns and
spiritual songs; singing with Grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:18-20
...but be filled with
the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for
all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 6:9
And, ye masters, do
the same things unto them, forbearing threatening: knowing that your Master
also is [forbearing threatening] in heaven; neither is there respect of persons
with him.
On a side note for what is said in Hebrews 12:1-12 regarding the Lord “chastening” us as children. The words chastening
used in those passages are the Greek words: paideia, paideutēs, and paideuō.
These words are defined as training & educating (cultivating the mind),
instructing, teaching, and to train & correct with words. In the context of
God’s Agape Love and demonstrations of what Jesus did to others, “chastening”
has nothing to do with physical punishment or scourging.
Hebrews 12:1-11
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about
with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin
which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is
set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame,
and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him
that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied
and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving
against sin. And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaks unto you
as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening TEACHING
of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked GENTLY CORRECTED of
him: For whom the Lord loves he chastens TEACHES, and
scourges [even as a father the son in whom he delights] (Proverbs
3:12). If
ye endure chastening TRAINING / EDUCATION, God deals with you as
with sons; for what son is he whom the father chastens TEACHES
not? But if ye be without chastisement TEACHING, whereof all
are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had
fathers of our flesh which corrected TAUGHT / INSTRUCTED us, and
we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father
of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened TAUGHT
us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers
of his holiness. Now no chastening TEACHING for the present
seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yields the
peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
He does not hurt us! He teaches and instructs us through His goodness
and kindness, not wrath. There is no fear in, of, from, and to the Lord.
Romans 2:4
…[do you not know] that
the goodness and kindness of God leads [a person] to repentance?
1 Corinthians 2:12-13
Now we have received,
not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know
the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not
in the words which man's wisdom teaches, but which the Holy Ghost teaches;
comparing spiritual (worldly) with spiritual (Godly).
So we are left with God leading us, training us, and educating us in
and by His Word and the Holy Ghost in Goodness and Kindness. This is the most
powerful tool He has for us, because the Word and the Holy Ghost delve into
every aspect of our life physically & spiritually:
Hebrews 4:12
For the Word of God
is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to
the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a
discerner of the thoughts and [will] of the heart.
Because of what Jesus Christ accomplished for us, we have His ability to
change our heart and change our life. We can achieve all He made us to be as
New Creations in Him. But we can only achieve this when we don’t have a fear of
God’s wrath, but live knowing He is Love and He is not angry with us. If we
fear God (not talking about respecting Him, but a terror / fear of Him), we
refrain from coming close to Him and creating a true, trusting, and open
relationship with Him. He has adopted us as His children, never forsaking us
into abandonment again!
Romans 5:1
Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our
Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 8:15
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but we have
received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
This is the same kind of adoption we must have with our own children and
any children in our lives. How we treat children affects them (positive or
negative) for the rest of their lives. This happened to me, to you, and to
everyone on his earth.
When we physically or verbally punish our children, we create
misunderstanding in the child’s soul, and inevitably, fear. This fear, though
it may temporarily disrupt a behavioural pattern, creates a sense of
abandonment, not closeness associated with God’s adoption. And moreso, fear never
is an absolute deterrent.
We can plainly see this in our everyday life: neither jail time, death
sentences, warning labels on alcohol / cigarette packages, or pictures of
rotted teeth at the dentist has nullified all the behavioural problems
associated with crime, abuse, addiction, and poor hygiene (self-care). We must
never use fear as this only provokes others towards wrath (their anger towards
others or back to the source). It creates division, not unity.
Ephesians 6:4
And, you fathers
(parents), provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the training
and exhortation of the Lord.
We must always use Love. And if there has been fear created, we eliminate
that fear through Love through His Spirit in us (God’s Agape Love):
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in
love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear hath torment. He that fears
is not made perfect in love.
So I take all this now and apply it to my life as a parent and
“parent” over the children at the school and in my everyday. And this often
takes much Spiritual Patience—just as the Lord does with me. And how this
understanding started for me, is Him revealing to me the correlation between me
as a parent and Him as a parent.
When I see the children at school behaving inappropriately, or
carelessly, I can foresee the consequences to their actions because I have
either experienced it myself, or just have more knowledge and experience in
understanding than they have. And this was the revelation to me! Because I, as
a child of God my Father, He knows more than me for me and my situation. Yet,
even though I mess up or don’t hear Him clearly, He never is angry with me, nor
is out to punish me. I am like a child who does not always understand the how’s
or why’s of life; but my Father does! And it is not my duty to know all the
why’s or how’s; my duty is to believe Him and just do what He asks. Obedience.
And the only way I am willing to be obedient is if I trust Him. And the
only way I can trust Him is knowing He is not angry with me. This is His True
Agape Love for me: for God IS Love (1 John 4:16).
Fear also leads a child to self-condemnation. It creates an expectancy
towards perfection; that when not achieved (to avoid punishment), then the
child developed self-doubt, shame, and a sense of failure. They then condemn
themselves as being not good enough. Yet, we need to establish a trust through
Love that brings the child close even when they make a mistake. That they feel
they can approach me without feeling they are going to get punished. This is
the same approach the Lord takes.
1 John 3:21
When we are confident
towards God, we won't condemn ourself in our heart.
If I fear Him, how can I be confident towards Him. And if I can’t be
confident that He is not going to punish me, I fear Him and believe I am not
good enough for Him. I condemn myself in my heart.
And if I fear Him, why would I obey Him? If my child, or any child fears
me, why would they want to obey me as a parent? When I eliminate fear and
establish trust, then all that is needed are words of guidance and insight to
steer and guide the child.
The Lord gently stretches out His guiding hand to gently keep me (as His
sheep) in the correct direction. And we, as sheep, also hear and understand our
shepherd’s voice to know where we need to be and the safe direction He is
leading us. Now that is the gentle and kind Father I have come to know! And
this is the kind and gentle parent we can be—at home, at school, and
anywhere!
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